Behind every decision in life, there is more than one choice that I rejected. Many a time, the decision to shoulder responsibility was one that I did not take. I chose to do things my way, some of which meant that I needed to run away from where I was. There were times in which I bolted instead of buckling down; Times when I chose a different path for myself when I should have held my ground and dug deep. These were the moments when the need to change became my most important priority of life. Looking back at those moments today, I see the choices that I rejected. I feel like a soldier that chose to live instead of taking out his life for the sake of his fort. I am but a collection of weak choices that were made in the past. I am not proud of myself.
Every phase of life, I carry the burns of those choices I rejected. Some I chose to cover up with sand and the rest I tried to burn into oblivion. But when the wind blows, and life throws tough questions at me, I am filled with the ashes and yet exposed as if naked. I am not proud of who I am. My life so far has had many a lie. I have been cheating the world of who I am and what I personify.
But now I realize it is not the world that I cheated, but my own self. It is not the choices that I made but the choices that made me who I am. Courage is not bolting under the pretext of trying out something new but standing your ground and facing the worst. The soldier is not intelligent when he chooses to live and aid a different defence rather than die a martyr’s death defending his own flank, he is a coward. I am a coward, a liar, a fool and an escapist. I am not proud of myself.
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Yet somewhere inside me I hear voices. They say to me that I now know myself and the fact that no one has the power to change the past. They say that the power lies in my hands to change my future; to stand up tall and straight against all odds; to make choices that will not haunt me anymore; to smile at the weak options that I chose not to take. I listen to those voices with me. As I listen, they grow louder and louder.
As I listen, I feel proud of whom I will be.











