Through the Highs and Lows of an emotionally driven mind

blank_pageBecause you ask, I am going to tell you my story.
I came to this apartments some seven years back when I was about 15 years old.Let me tell you, this apartment is not one where you will find much of entertainment. There are so many uncles and aunties around who will bore you to death. And there are absolutely no girls around.

Well, actually there was one girl. Here name was Nikitha. She was an interesting girl. Almost everyone in this apartment knew her.

I saw her first on a chilly December evening back in 2008. She was wearing a tight t-shirt and jean and walking back and forth on the common area. There was the notice board on the wall behind her which had a very weird picture. It was a drawing, a transformation from the word Varanya to the image of a sleeping cat. I was completely fascinated by it and was peering into the drawing from a distance.

“What’s your problem? Why are you looking at me like that?”, those were the first words she spoke. Actually, she was so rude I thought she spit them out.
“Uh? Nothing, I was watching the notice board. Am Sekar,by the way!”, I replied.
“So?”
“So. Nothing!”, saying thus I ran off to my house.
I did not like her much. I felt she was a brat, who needed to be taught manners. I avoided her after the first awkward meeting.

Our apartment had a dearth of people our age, it still has, so it was inevitable that I met nikitha quite often. And considering that the place was so full of oldies who do not know the difference between Zara and Mc’D and have no clue what CCD and KFC means, she had no choice but to hang out with me. True to my evaluation, she was a freak and a wild girl to have for a friend.

It was 4 a.m on a  Wednesday. Me and Nikitha were at the terrace.
“Hey! How would it be if we went out now. On a long bike ride. To Oasis?” , saying thus she walked up the wall, holding my hand.
“Are you crazy?  Its 4 in the morning. We cannot go that far. My parents will kill me.First get down from the wall.”
“Why? You scared I will fall? I wont fall, You wont let me fall! Let go somewhere nah!”
“No way man, I cannot take my bike out this late. Please get down!”
“Come on chicken, it will be fun. Why should I worry, you are holding me nah!”, saying thus she swayed a leg outside. At the sametime, not expecting her to do that,I let go, to say “What if leave you?”.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
I saw her die man, falling, down the five floors. Shreaking loud. Her helpless eyes, looking at me, hopeless! I still remember that sight!
I rushed down, jumped 5 stairs at a go. I was sweating profusely. I could hardly breathe. And I could find no voice. I was whimpering. I was scared, freaked out of my wits. I had killed her!
I had killed her man, just let her go, when I should not have. I killed her!I am a murderer!

I finally reached the ground. And ran to the back of the flat. To the spot where she fell.

But she was not there!
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Oh my God! Where’s she?”. I searched here and there. I circled the apartment thrice. All the fluid in my throat was gone. I could not open my mouth. All I could do was whimper. My face began to burn,with fear.

I looked around for her. There were a group of boys outside. Think they sneaked out for a smoke. I ran to them. Pulled them, tugged them, nudged them, tried to explain what I was going through. But I could not speak a word. My voice was gone. I was whimpering like a puppy dog!

One brave guy took pity on me and accompanied me.We looked around the flat, but to no avail.
“What are you looking for buddy? What happened?”, he asked. God, if only I could answer!!
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Just then, I heard voices. I leaned on the edge of the wall, and sneak peeked at the direction of the voices. It came from the spot where she fell.
“So you fell down? From up there?” ,the  morning sweeper was asking someone. “Yes Ma, from there, I was with Sekar and we were talkin……..”.
I was sweating profusely. I pulled the guy next to me. Signalled to him to listen just like I did.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I saw his face. First he was confused about what was happening. I saw comprehension, when he started to hear the voices. Then I saw confusion again, as he tried to come to terms with what he was hearing. And then……..
And then the eyes changed their intensity. The body became stiff.He turned towards me, there was fire in the eyes….a blazing red, so cold it made you freeze.
“You killed me! You killed me!”…. Saying thus he took this iron rod and hit me repeatedly on the head like this, like this, like this,this this this!!!!!!!

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blank_page“Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water!”
In the quiet town, legend had it that the water in the well up the hill was sweet. Jack believed in legends and so decided to climb the hill. On the way, he met Jill and they instantly fell in love. The journey up the hill together was brutally censored by the English poets!

Jack wanted to bring the essence of love back to his people. But as was the case with all love, the pail broke and
“Jack fell down and broke his crown,
And Jill came tumbling after!”

Jill gave up. But Jack trekked up again. For on one half, he was enchanted by the beauty of being in love. On the other half, he wanted his villagers to share his wonderful experience. So he trekked the hill again!
“And he kept tripping, on the same damn wire,
And no one came tumbling after!”
{ Courtesy : American Idol - David Cook!}
But jack never gaveup his task and so he travelled the seas and eventually Jack died for his love (Remember RMS Titanic??)
Jack, You are a Legend!

“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall!”
Humpty was actually trapped by love. And when he fell, he fell so hard that
“All the kings men,
Could not fix Humpty up again!”
They would have fixed him, had they sent women instead! 
Humpty, you are a Legend!

“Bah Bah Black sheep, have you any wool…
One for my master, one for my dame,
One for the little boy, who lives down the lane!”
The black sheep had a keep… and he made his boy live just far away so that no one would doubt him!

Oh black sheep, you are a legend!

The greatest legend was old McDonald.
For If “Mary had a ‘little lamb’,
Old Mc’D had ‘a FARM’!!”

Moral of the story!
Jack, you are a legend.
Humpty, you are a legend.
Black sheep, you are a legend.
Mary, you are a legend.
Old Mc’D, you are a legend.

Mowgli/ Mouli , you hang in there mate!!

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blank_pageIf there ever was a poll on who is the loneliest girl at this moment, I would win it hands down. I don’t know why I am the one most mistaken. God, is it my fault that I am born this way?

I am not stubborn, but I don’t listen to anyone. I am not brash, but I answer to none. I deserve not pity, though I get so much of it these days. God, is it my fault that I am born this way?

You gave me so much beauty. You gave me eyes that talk. Is that why you forgot my speech? God, is it my fault that I am born this way?

You gave me a keen sense of observation. You gave me a heart that can more than just listen. Is that why you forgot to wire my ears? God, is it my fault that I am born this way?

Today another guy had his eyes fixed on me. I could hear him crave for me inside him. Then the usual thing happened, he approached and spoke to me and then realized my inability. A heart full of love immediately turned into a heart full of pity. Then there was no love. God, do I deserve this plight?

The slight hope I nurture of finding someone who will treat me the way I want to be treated seems to be diminishing day by day. I still am looking for the one who will take me for what I am. I look for the one who will speak with the heart rather than the mouth. I look for the one who will look into me and tell me that I am beautiful inside.

And when he does that, GOD, I will listen, though I am subjected to be born this way – A deaf and a dumb girl, turning blind to superficial love!!!

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